Your Ultimate Guide to Building Parent Friendships

Life no longer remains the same post having a child. Your priorities change and have to be aligned with the needs of the child. This means you may not be able to hang out with your colleagues post work for coffee anymore. Nor can you get out to meet your college buddies for a quick bite in the middle of the day. Especially when you’re the only parent in the group.

The parenting guides from We Positive Parenting, Ahmedabad’s top counselling centre for parents and children, suggest that instead of sitting out and being a loner, parents must get out, make newer connections with other parents and build friendships with them.

Parenting will get challenging with every passing year, but when you have a strong friendship with other parents, it gets easier with the exchange of knowledge, ideas and support from fellow parents. Here’s our ultimate guide to building great parent friendships and how they can benefit you.

New activities for new friends

Now that you have a child, it doesn’t mean you have to get cut out from your old group of friends. Instead, it gives you the opportunity to welcome new and interesting people into your lives, in the form of other parent friends. All you have to do is be open, accepting and active.

The first place where you can find like-minded parents to be friends is the school. Since many schools involve the parents to participate in various activities with their children too, there are chances of you meeting many new people and click with them. Volunteer yourself to participate in various parent-child activities where you get to interact and bond with other parents.

Another great suggestion for a parent bonding cum friendship building activity is to host homework or study sessions for their kids together. This way, not only do you get to exchange ideas on teaching your kid, but you can get their school work done on time too.

You can then take this relationship further by inviting the parents over for fun potluck dinner on weekends, where your kids get to play with each other outside the school environment, while you get to chat with the other parents. Initiate conversation with them without expecting anything. Maybe the other parent is also feeling as nervous as you are. And maybe he/she will be later grateful to you for taking the lead. Be proactive and introduce yourself to other parents at such events.

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Parents, Let’s Invest In Appreciation!

“It is strange that sword and words have the same letters, even more, strange is that they have the same effect if not handled properly” –Anonymous

As parents, you love to see your kids grow up in the right way, with the right manners and the right behaviour. Our children learn their first lessons in life from us. We as parents are their first gurus. We aim at teaching our kids everything. And to make them the best version of themselves, we have to correct them when they make mistakes. Usually, parents do it by pointing out their errors, to make them realise that what they did is wrong and how they need to improve on it.

But, have you ever realised that it might bring out a negative side to it?

We want our children to listen to our advice, and accept them wholeheartedly. But that’s not the case all the time. Children, especially teens, tend to act out when challenged and do exactly the opposite, to fulfill their whims and fancies. They don’t listen to what you say or maybe don’t even follow your instructions.

This situation definitely irks you. Isn’t it? So, what would you do in such situations? Shout at them or get angry? That’s the normal reaction…

But, is that the right thing to do? Well, it isn’t. Your frustration comes from the improper dealings. In anger, it is very easy to lash out. Because, when your ego gets hurt, your emotions are vulnerable. This is a result of the poor communication with the other person, and in this case they are our children. It may happen that your body language, certain actions or words may hurt our child’s sentiments.

Now if you think that in this case should we always speak about things that don’t upset the other person and be nice irrespective of the situation? That also does not seem right, because life will become calculative for you then instead of being natural.

Yes, you might be wondering if avoiding a confrontation is the key, or being nice to your children all the time would help. It is not. Because it will set a wrong standard and your kids will not respect your authority. So, what to do in such scenarios?

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Co-Parenting as Divorced Parents? Know If It’s good for Your Children

Separation is sometimes inevitable, but for the good. But when there are children involved, it becomes difficult for the parents to part ways amicably. And to add insult to injury, there will be people giving unsolicited advice to the parents about ways to bring up their children.

So, how do you shield your child from all that negativity and yet ensure that they have an equal presence of both the parents while growing up?

At We Positive Parenting, the parenting guides offering counselling for divorced parents in Ahmedabad, suggest Co-parenting.

Unless there has been a serious issue of domestic violence or abuse, Co-parenting is the answer for this question!

Co-parenting is when two or more adults share their duties and work together to raise their child without being in a marital union. Basically, it is a child custody agreement which is unfortunately unknown to many couples in India. This parenting technique requires a high level of cooperation and collaboration between the estranged partners in order to benefit the children.

Here’s why co-parenting can be a game changer in the upbringing of children of separated or divorced parents

1) Children are less likely to feel torn between their parents

When a couple gets divorced, the children tend to feel abandoned in the tussle. With a planned schedule for the children to spend time with their parents, overseen by the law, co-parenting gives children the space to bond with both the parents. But, healthy co-parenting also needs guidance at every step for the wellbeing of the kids.

Consider taking Parenting counselling services from Ahmedabad’s We Positive Parenting and learn the ropes of co-parenting, on how to make the children understand the new dynamics of the family, and that they can still have a loving relationship with both of the parents despite them living separately.

2) Reduces stress & conflict in children

Witnessing the dissolution of marriage can be traumatic for children of all ages. A study on ‘The Impact of Parental Separation and Divorce on the Health Status of Children’ stated that such children tend to suffer from depression, higher frequency of violence, learning and social deterioration along with high risk for suicidal attempts.

In recent years, more research showed that the divorce process further affects the state of physical illness in children. These can have a long lasting effect on the children.

Co-parenting reduces the risk of mental health challenges in children. This method of parenting helps the children to feel safe & secure despite everything happening around them, as they see their parents work together to provide everything to them. They grow up with reduced conflicts in their lives.

3) Enhances problem solving skills

Marrying too young, unrealistic expectations, lack of commitment, and other reasons lead to divorce. And when children see their parents co-parenting them despite all these issues, they are more likely to learn how to solve any problem peacefully on their own. As co-parents cooperate with each other, they become a healthy example for their children and establish a life pattern that can be followed by their children in the future. They get a better understanding about relationships and conflict resolution by learning effective communication.

Usually, the children of healthy co-parents know that their parents may not always agree on everything, but believe that they get along. They feel that the parents make efforts and show respect to each other.

Now, let’s talk about the obstacles that may come in the way of co-parenting.

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Helpful Tips for Raising Happy Kids as a Single Parent

In the last 4 years, India’s single parent households almost doubled from 4% in 2015 to 7.5% in 2020. The United Nations report on ‘The Progress of the World’s Women 2019-2020: Families in a Changing World’ stated that 7.5% of Indian households are headed by single parents, of whom the majority is managed by single mothers.

One can only imagine the kind of pressure and baggage these parents have on their shoulders while bringing up their children without the help of a partner. And to help them in their endeavours, the parenting experts at Ahmedabad’s We Positive Parenting, have some tips for single parents, pre-occupied by social, economic and emotional distress. These tips will help them to try and stop these problems from snowballing into mental health issues.

Let go of the guilt & feel more confident

A single parent will always have a sense of guilt in their hearts; the feeling of being unable to do the right thing for your children or of failing to give them the perfect life they deserve. Our advice is to make peace with the past. Blaming yourself for the situation will only make it worse.

Let go of the guilt and remind yourself of the reasons behind your choices. Every time the thought in your mind starts with, I feel bad about ……….., stop right there and restart the thought with, I made that decision because ………

This simple exercise will help you move forward. Studies have reported that single mothers are at a threefold risk of depression as compared to married mothers. This, because the constant feeling of guilt could force you into being a loner. Surround yourself with people you trust, with whom you can share your experiences with and feel better.

Create a schedule

We can’t control what happens to us, so it is better to focus on the things we can control as a parent. Set a clear picture in your mind, a proper plan to achieve the goals for you and your children, in order to build a better future together.

You can start small by creating a daily routine. And eventually to draft long term goals like managing your money more effectively and improving your co-parenting relationship with your former partner, if required. Patrice Karst, the well known author of The Single Mother’s Survival Guide (Crossing Press, 2000), writes in her book that, “Having goals, no matter how modest, can keep your spirits up and keep you moving forward.”

Your schedule must include two things for sure:

– Some time to spend with your children.

– Some “Me Time” to exercise regularly, catch up with friends or even seek professional counselling from a parenting expert.

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